x

there are moments
when i think i have mastered the art of not giving a flying fuck quite exquisitely
but
these moments always pass

fragments from heartships of a lifetime in progress

"Where did you come from?! How is it that you fit so perfectly into my life?"

"you're the only girl who i let reject me three times that i still came back for a fourth time for. don't worry, i'm over it."

"viv. love. they kind of rhyme! okay they don't but anyways i love you."

"i don't want to put us in a situation that is just going to be more hurtful. there really are no solutions."

"what's wrong with me? what's wrong with us?"

"i dont know what to say except for that I'm sorry. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. And i dont expect you to understand."

"I am capable of staying away from her, and you are the only girl I want to be with"

"its just a hug. i know im ur first and ur not ready but we've been going out a month."

"you're my... er I don't know haha. my other half? I dunno."

"i was in love. stop telling me whether i was in love or not. i know i barely knew you. but that's why i knew."

"you're the most beautiful thing I've seen in ages, and I know this is outrageous but I'm feelin' courageous. I'd love it if you were a big part of the rest of the pages of the book that is my life, and I'd like one day to call you wife."

"how do i know? i felt it. BROKEN. completely broken. you don't get it. it's okay."

"love is a horrible thing."

"What if tomorrow doesn't come? Would you make the same decision to not be together today? I'd choose you, if it were only but a day. I would choose to hurt the same. And if that day were to become two days, I would count my blessings and have no regret."

down down down the rabbithole

some fall down the slippery slope, and some dive down. some tread carefully to the bottom and back and tell their stories to the some who listen with open ears. as for the rest, who close their hearts, they will live a life pure and free of metaphorically sustained injuries, but will never know even a glimpse of the beauty that lies beneath.